This may require your kids talking to a Law Guardian, Guardian ad litem, or the judge, but it sounds pretty open and closed. Reviewed by Jessica Schrader. Child abuse or sexual abuse is the number one reason that a mother can lose custody of her child. You undermine and belittle your ex-husband's parenting. However, so long as the courts order allows the alcoholic parent to consume alcohol at some times (when the child is not around) but not consume it other times, this does not remove the credibility problems noted above: now the parents are simply fighting over when the alcoholic parent was drinking. You have to be in a position to be proactive and be able to help your child. My ex was ordered not to drink when we first divorced. Your child may call you occasionally to tell you they feel unsafe with your ex. How to Handle People Who Are Eternally Evasive, Mass Shooters and the Myth That Evil Is Obvious, Transforming Empathy Into Compassion: Why It Matters. Your email address will not be published. Free and open company data on California (US) company EX DRINKS, LLC (company number 200928110010), 1879 WHITNEY MESA DRIVE HENDERSON NV 89014. Post by war-country Tue Feb 18, 2020 12:22 am. I need to hear from you by phone (not text or e-mail) by 9 A.M. on the days that you have the children. Get Expert Advice About Divorce and Custody! Sara's Question: I have sole custody of my 3 year old daughter. a video live-streamed on Martinezs social media back in November shows [Mother] smoking while getting ready, A short time later, shes seen taking a shot in front of her daughter Amariah. Oakey goes on to say that Father notified CYFD about similar videos both five months and four days prior to the crash. Your husband is the only one who can seek treatment. Custody Basics It's no secret that one of the most contentious aspects of any divorce or separation is child custody and parenting time. Post by Guest Sun Feb 16, 2020 5:43 pm. I told him she isn't going to be around him until he quits smoking with her in the room and doesn't drive high with her. If the issue is raised during a child custody hearing, the judge will likely order an investigation of the matter to determine whether the allegations are true, and if so, whether theparents alcohol or drug use impacts their ability to properly care for the children. He was charged with a felony, but he plead into a pretrial diversion program. Be a role model for your children. Carole Bennett, M.A., is a family substance abuse counselor, lecturer, columnist and author based at her Family Recovery Solutions Counseling Center in Santa Barbara, CA. Sometimes the court puts a little more teeth in its order by allowing the other parent to request random alcohol testing of the alcoholic parent. If he doesn't find out, it isn't a problem. There might be concerns about your ability to supervise if you are under the influence, so you could agree not to smoke when your son is in your care. Shannon's Question: My ex has recently admitted to me that he was doing opium and pain pills and selling drugs. In all 50 states, thebest interest of the child standardis used to determine child custody. Privacy Policy. Be a good listener. He is an alcoholic and I thought he had it under control when we first split up, so I didn't fight him for sole custody. My son told the doctor that his daddy yells at him a lot and started to get emotional. Sanchez can answer your child custody and restraining order questions by calling (505) SANCHEZ. Brette's Answer: First of all, the only way the judge would know is if your ex tried to use that as a reason for a change in custody. Alcohol abuse is one of the issues that come up in many custody disputes. Inflexibility. Knowing what you value will help you build the most meaningful life possible. Also, I am not a child psychologist so other options may be important to take into consideration other than my opinion on this issue. It strikes me that the solution to this problem is both simple and elegant and I wish more family court judges had the courage to implement it: simply require an alcoholic parent who wishes to have visitation with his or her child to stop drinking period. Her father has a lot of issues with drugs and is currently in an inpatient rehabilitation center. Parents surveyed more than 1,600 moms to find out exactly what that means when it comes to raising kids . Drug and alcohol addiction is definitely a consideration when it comes to determining custody of the children. All rights reserved. I've confronted her and she has no remorse, only excuses and reasonings as to why drinking and driving with them is acceptable. By remaining silent and enabling him to be a role model for the children, you increase the likelihood they will struggle with their own alcohol problems when they grow up. In this case, Father could have alleged that an act of abuse occurred based on Mothers repeated acts of driving the child while under the influence. Brette's Answer: Why don't you talk to him first? If my ex-husband finds out that my fianc is on probation do you think there is a chance that I could lose my custody? Any problems your soon-to-be-ex-wife has with alcohol need to be raised for two reasons. Similarly, due to CYFDs caseload, often investigations can take weeks or months to be completed. Dr. Gails Bottom Line: Dont let your children in a car with a drunk driver, and dont repeat patterns of behavior that put them at risk. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. You should start documenting things with a journal or calendar now. They may feel dizzy, silly, happy or free to act however they want. You say you cant ask your husband to change now, because you knew about his drinking when you met. 3. If you take issue with your ex's behavior while with your children, you should try to communicate, but if that fails, you may need to ask the court for help. Every case in which I have seen the judge require such a choice resolves rather quickly and leads to stability: either the alcoholic parent chooses alcohol, the alcoholic parent refrains from drinking or the alcoholic parent is caught drinking and visitation stops. Amy's Question: My husband is a severe alcoholic who has admitted to drug use in the last few months. I have full custody of our 2 minor children and my ex-wife gets visitation. Ex wants to meet for a drink - not sure what to do?? I have turned my life around and took parenting classes. Today she had both of our children in the car after drinking an entire bottle of wine to herself. I'm certain we are both desirous of raising happy, healthy children, where we can both participate in their lives, so I propose the following: 1) I will have the children three days a week unencumbered and you will have them three days a week. You could ask that he be tested for drugs, but the court isn't going to do that before every visit and you couldn't get the girlfriend tested. Many of my clients have come to me wondering how they should handle the relationship with their ex-spouse or significant other as it pertains to their children. This part is simple: You must never let them in a vehicle with this man driving. What can I do in order to protect my children. Alcoholics are often volatile, irrational and violent. Visitation may continue, but with the provision that he not be permitted to drive the kids or drink or be drunk around them. For example, he goes to his brother's house and drinks for several hours and then drives 35-40 . She has been drinking and driving while they are in the car. This is most definitely a change in circumstances, which is what is required to change a custody order. The parent should then file a Petition for Order of Protection that clearly outlines the abuse/neglect that has taken place. You cant do it for him. David Logan, 48, was nearly twice the legal drink-drive limit when he crashed into Joshua Flynn, 37, and his children Coby-Jay, 15, and Skylar, 12, in Cumbria. What I mean by this, is that that parent should write down what their expectations are when the child/children are in the supervision of the alcoholic/addict parent. Read our, How the Courts Respond to Parental Substance Use, Visitation Rights for Parents Denied Child Custody, The Pros and Cons of Getting Sole Legal Custody of a Child, The Right Way to Handle Concerns About Court-Ordered Visitation, Deadbeat Dad Stereotypes and Unpaid Child Support, Expert Tips on How Fathers Can Build a Custody Case, How to Deal With Safety Concerns About Child Visitation, How Supervised Visitation Works for Families, How to Create a Parallel Parenting Plan That Works for Your Family, Questions Asked at a Child Custody Hearing, Families affected by parental substance use, Parental substance use: how child welfare workers make the case for court intervention, Determining the Best Interests of the Child, Guidance to States: Recommendations for Developing Family Drug Court Guidelines. Alcoholism, though difficult to tackle, is a treatable disease for those who are committed to getting help. Brette's Answer: You need to check your state laws. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. According to the report, both APD and CYFD were notified of similar events before the deadly crash took the seven year old's life. Adah Chung is a fact checker, writer, researcher, and occupational therapist. Report Abuse JB John F. Brennan (Unclaimed Profile) Update Your Profile Required fields are marked *, Notify me of followup comments via e-mail. 2 In disputed cases before a judge, the judge may order another therapist to evaluate your child to get a second opinion. Court Order to Restrict Ex's New Partner Due to Developmental Risks to Child. If your spouse chronically drinks and drives, and refuses to stop, is this a good reason to divorce them? The assigned investigator can then testify at the upcoming hearing regarding the investigators findings, and ultimately if the allegations of abuse/neglect have been substantiated (upheld) or un-substantiated (denied). . Jennifer Wolf is a PCI Certified Parent Coach and a strong advocate for single moms and dads. Brette's Answer: Ask for a substance abuse evaluation as well as a mental health evaluation. My ex-husband habitually drinks and drives with our 9 yo daughter in the car. You wouldnt have to leave your name so he wouldn't even have to know it was you. Can a custodial grandparent refuse visitation due to drug use? Today she had both of our children in the car after drinking an entire bottle of wine to herself. Will his Dad know what he tells the judge? Child Abuse: Child Neglect or Child Endangerment . You could probably get a court to issue an order that the children are not to be around anyone using drugs and your husband can't use drugs or be high around them, but it doesn't guarantee a thing and is likely to hurt relations between you. In extreme cases, the authorities can charge the driver of the car with Child Neglect or Child Endangerment, which is a separate criminal case from DUI and it is not in the traffic laws. My 4 year old daughter is driving me crazy!! Cookie Notice Brette's Answer: Unless his parents have a grandparent visitation order, they technically have no rights. Brette's Answer: If the order says visitation is at your discretion, you can stop it at any time. Families affected by parental substance use. We left him passed out in the back of a truck and went home. The police rang me that afternoon to tell me they had him in custody as he was over the limit. Are Zoomies a Sign of a Happy Dog or a Crazy Dog? The alleged live-stream videos would support Fathers claims of abuse. Obviously, there are other factors which play into the safety levels, like if the person has eaten with their drinks or if they have a medical condition which causes them to not metabolize alcohol. It goes without saying that if one parent is totally irresponsible or time and time again has exhibited out of control behavior or puts the children in danger due to reckless behavior, then all bets are off for any participation. Court documents demonstrate that the mother was allegedly driving while under the influence. These are the very parents whose history suggests that their being required to make such a decision would lead to greater harmony and family stability. Our website is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Brette's Answer: Yes. A drunk driver is a death wish looking for a place to happen. A child representative is not free - most of the time they need to be paid by each parent, and can be at least $2,000 up front, split 50/50 between the parents. Can my ex get custody if I'm dating someone who's been in rehab? First and foremost, of course, is the safety of your children. Average cost of court for contact/access? Brette's Answer: I think it would be unlikely he would get anything other than supervised visitation. This can guide us as parents. A heartbreaking state of affairs all around. Besides, there are many things worse for children than divorce, including being maimed or killed by a drunk driver. You cannot very well care for your children from jail. . Keep all texts. If he does however, he could certainly try for custody. My fianc made a mistake and got a DWI and he will be on probation. A bit of uncertainty or uneasiness in putting together an agreement that can be clear, honest and fair to both loving and caring parents is a small price to pay in establishing a safe, comfortable haven as each parent enjoys the pleasure of their children. 2016;138(2):e20161575. 4) The children will call the custodial parent every night before bed, after school (or whatever time is firmly committed to). Eventually, permanent custody and time-sharing will need to be established in a related, Domestic Matters case.. Based on claims that Mother had a documented history of driving the child while under the influence, it is highly likely that a Temporary Restraining Order would have been entered granting Father temporary custody until a hearing would be held. Bumping along the bottom, hoping things work out, is a recipe for disaster. Took out equity without asking on the house, rammed credit into the ground, got two women fired within a 6 month time span because he was making sexual comments, gestures, and lewd remarks and he . Secondly ask your ex what happened that day . In this case, the Petition could have been filed with Second Judicial District Court. If They Lie About Money. Brette's Answer: You can have the order modified to direct him not to use or have possession of illegal drugs when around your child. She was there for more than a week and had emergency surgery because of it. If the issue is raised during a child custody hearing, the judge will likely order an investigation of the matter to determine whether the allegations are true, and if so, whether the parent's alcohol or drug use impacts their ability to properly care for the children. Truth #2 You have to be much more careful with your relationship with a former spouse than with a spouse. A: There are two things to consider here. A year ago my ex and I split due to his alcohol abuse. Derogatory nicknames. At what age does the court start to hear what the child wants? Getting divorced is tough, but having to deal with substance abuse and child custody issues on top of it can make it even harder. In fact, drunk driving is one of the most frequent causes of death among teens. If your child does not wish to go, you would have to have your original order modified by the court. These tips can help turn your marriage bling into money. The percentage of teens in high school who drink and drive has decreased by more than half since 1991,* but more can be done. Driver with child in car allegedly blew four times alcohol limit. I have an attorney, but my husband still says that he will arrange it where I will never see my son again. "It's best to discuss money openly and honestly," Dr. Jackson says. Her dad now wants sole custody. Q: Seven years ago, at age 24, I lost my first husband in a car accident. When an ex-partner is an alcoholic there may be contact options such as contact still taking place if your child is a sensible teenager or for younger children contact visits taking place at a grandparent or aunt's home or contact centre If you are concerned that your ex-spouse's drinking has escalated since the court issued the custody order, your attorney will advocate for your cause and work . Do you have any suggestions? Brette's Answer: I'm glad to hear you have an attorney. I have been attending AA daily, have a sponsor and will begin counseling. Some states call that crime "battery" others refer to it as "assault.". Verywell Family uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Can I request that he be drug-tested before visitation? Brette's Answer: If your life has changed you can ask for custody or an increase in visitation. After drinking a lot, people may have trouble remembering, talking, standing, walking or doing other tasks. If your ex-spouse already has temporary or court-assigned custody of your child, it is important to never ask your child to watch your spouse and tell you when he or she drinks alcohol. Ward was killed in cold blood by deputies with the Pueblo County Sheriff's office on Feb. 22, 2022. Christine's Question: My ex and I share custody of our 9 year old son. Ask that a law guardian or guardian ad litem be assigned to the case. Ask that a law guardian/Guardian ad litem be appointed. How can I get it so he can't have any drugs in the apartment or drive unless he is sober? But, let's look at the circumstances where the temperament of the alcoholic/addict parent does not present a risk to their child or children. A court appointed child representative will do the following: Conducting an interview with you and your ex-spouse. After first spouse is killed while driving drunk, woman marries another alcoholic. Could a recorded phone call be used as "proof" of drugs? a P-plate or learner driver and your BAC reading was 0.07 per cent or more. I do love this man as do my kids but I am not happy, and Im afraid I cant live the rest of my life this way. Son aged 10- can i leave him home alone for 30 mins? Amy's Question: My ex-husband is an alcoholic and has been ordered by the judge to not drink before or during his visitation time with our children (ages 16 and 12). I. By WomansDivorce Drug and alcohol addiction is definitely a consideration when it comes to determining custody of the children. Parental substance use: how child welfare workers make the case for court intervention. Cookies collect information about your preferences and your devices and are used to make the site work as you expect it to, to understand how you interact with the site, and to show advertisements that are targeted to your interests. Brette Answers: You can file for a modification. I have proof that my childs father was arrested for DUI. For more information please visit www.ExDrinks.com or call (702). The childs father intends to file wrongful death claims against APD and CYFD. This was preventable, Oakey told reporters. Yet studies show that two thirds of children who die in drunken driving accidents are killed by the very people in charge of caring for them. If you are caught drinking and driving with your children in the car, you will be considered at a high risk to your children's well being. He absolutely cannot drive her, so he needs to make alternate transportation arrangements. Regardless of how the contract shakes out between the two of you, the important factor here is that there is a solid commitment and understanding in writing. I know it is wrong to ask him to change now, but I am truly unhappy in our relationship and his drinking habits. 3) You will not take the children outside an agreed upon mileage radius, unless I approve beforehand. They are moving in together and it worries me, because he has visitation every other weekend. Be the parent they know they can count on to take care of their needs. When children are served alcohol by their parents, drinking problems are generally low. If professionals are telling you there is a problem in that house, you need to seek to modify the visitation. Let's say that you and your former spouse split time with the kids 50-50. Guidance to States: Recommendations for Developing Family Drug Court Guidelines. He does not want to quit drinking and says I am the one with the problem, so counseling is out of the question. If the separation or divorce is somewhat amicable and the children's happiness and their well being is of paramount importance to both father and mother, then I have advised my clients to reiterate their hope and desire that the children can have two loving parents. Thus, facing a DUI charge can also serve as evidence of an allegation of alcohol abuse meaning that you pose a significant risk to children. Get people who can testify about how you've changed, where you live, where you work and that you finished your classes. For many couples, money can be a major source of problems. 171 Church Street, Suite 160Charleston, SC 29401. Brette's Answer: The documentation you have is compelling evidence that your husband should not have custody and I don't know why you would agree to allow him to have them 2 months at a time. Fortunately, research provides useful answers. PLEASE NOTE: The information in this column should not be construed as providing specific medical or psychological advice, but rather to offer readers information to better understand their lives and health. Interfering with the other parent's parenting time. Yet visitation orders that simply prohibit the alcoholic parent from drinking around the child (or when they have the child, or within twenty-four hours of a visit) simply continue this entanglement: the other parent must continuously monitor the alcoholic parent's drinking. Depending on the laws of the state and the conviction of driving drunk, the driver could both face child endangerment charges and may lose custody of the child. A court order could place restrictions on an ex's partner if the ex's boyfriend/girlfriend impairs . "Limited data suggest that drinking even one alcoholic beverage can reduce milk volume by 23 percent, and drinking two or more alcoholic beverages may inhibit let-down," Dr. Schutt says. He has no driver's license and has been in jail a couple times for 3 DWI's. Information needed for negotiating a fair settlement. Such a provision is transparent in some states' Drunk Driving Child Endangerment Laws. Though you say the children would be heartbroken at the loss of another father, this is a specious argument. Your ex however does have rights. The first time you're charged with Child Endangerment, it's a misdemeanor, but after that, every consecutive charge is a felony. My children adore my new husband, and we now have a baby together. Have a physical confrontation with wife and/or children. Ask about the girlfriend - whether she is using and if not, when she stopped. While drinking on average 10-14 alcoholic beverages each night, he has never had a DUI, and he manages to hold on to a job. (Binge drinking is defined as . She was diagnosed with schizophrenia, anxiety, and depression and was prescribed medicine in attempt to battle it. Sorry but I wouldn't be happy if my ex took my children to the pub. Its a strange place for you to pick up your son. Your kids are old enough to talk to the judge in chambers or testify about the drinking. I cannot say that every parent I have dealt with who had a history of alcohol abuse and continued to drink destroyed their case but I believe this may be due, in part, to the fact that I only observe such parents for a period of a few months to a few years and they will be parents of minor children for 18+ years. Additionally, we have a mutually agreeable system regarding when our daughter spends time with her mother . can anything be done to protect my children from their mother, the non custodial parent? Trish's Question: I am currently in a custody battle with my ex. He picks them up from school, but drinks every night to the point of passing out. Anne's Question: Does the fact that I have a medical marijuana card affect my chances of getting custody of my son? 26 Quora User The Quintin Kynaston School Author has 4.2K answers and 12.6M answer views Updated 1 y Could he get custody changed because I relapsed on my drinking? On the seventh day, we will use best efforts to share the company of our children jointly. 2018;93:69-78. doi:10.1016/j.childyouth.2018.07.003. Parents that believe a co-parent poses an immediate threat of danger to a child should contact the following agencies: The concerned parent should then file a Petition for Order of Protection in the county where the child lives. You can get witnesses to testify about his drug use. Can he get joint physical custody if he's an alcoholic? Excessive alcohol consumption is also often linked to violence and domestic abuse which are dangerous and damaging for children to become caught up in. Will having a medical marijuana card affect my chances of getting custody? From what Ive seen this rarely happens and after a person is accused and even proves otherwise through things like Soberlink, the court stills views custody in terms of the person at best being a recovering alcoholic. Tell him once and then let him go. Also my ex said that they had not long been in the pub and that he had been driving back from somewhere with his friends and my son in the car, yet he seemed quite drunk when I got there. You could set up a video camera to record his behavior. He was pulled over nr my sons school quite close to leaving time. Can I get custody changed if my ex is an alcoholic? At this hearing, Father could have presented the following evidence to demonstrate the immediate threat of danger to the child: Based on this evidence, likely an Order of Protection would have been entered. You should talk to your lawyer about the options and how to proceed in your state. Driving while intoxicated while there is a child in the vehicle may have both criminal and family consequences. Yet visitation orders that simply prohibit the alcoholic parent from drinking around the child (or when they have the child, or within twenty-four hours of a visit) simply continue this entanglement: the other parent must continuously monitor the alcoholic parents drinking. When filing a Petition for Order of Protection, the DV Court in Albuquerque usually will enter a Temporary Order of Protection. By Jennifer Wolf This past month my son has been talking a lot about how daddy drinks beer at night. Be aware he will likely file with the court to be able to continue it and then you will need to provide proof of your concerns. You have married men, both of whom were drunk drivers. The video evidence of Mother transporting the child while intoxicated; Any other evidence demonstrating an act of abuse. Good luck with it I know its hard but please please do not ignore it hun x. Hello Chloe & welcome to Netmums :hiya::hiya::hiya: Help with the accelerator reading program. The typical result is frequent trips to the family court where the . Badmouthing other parent to kids. Substance use is a real issue that many adults struggle with. If this is something you are facing, the following faqs can help you understand what your options are. Toddler not talking at 2 years 8 mths, very upset. I'm concerned because the past 2 visits my son hasn't wanted to go to his fathers, and had an anxiety attack on the way home from visitation. Re: Carrie Day-Drinks & Drives-a-Ton: Part 3. Regarding the case at hand, Father took the right steps by notifying CYFD and APD. Subscribe to our emails. IE 11 is not supported. by Matthew Sanchez | May 7, 2021 | Uncategorized. Teen drivers are 3 times more likely than more experienced drivers to be in a fatal crash. There may be times when your ex misses visitation due to drinking. She's a raging alcoholic who's already been in an extremely bad car accident because of her alcohol use. I have pictures of him drinking constantly since our son has been born. But it's almost impossible to prove. Don't let your ex intimidate you. Just present the court with your facts. Katharina's Question: I lost custody of my son one year ago because I had a meth problem. The Open Database Of The Corporate World . He would get anything other than supervised visitation a crazy Dog from jail he an! Notice brette & # x27 ; s parenting time please visit www.ExDrinks.com call! ; drunk driving child Endangerment laws modify the visitation the back of a and... Grandparent refuse visitation due to drug use in the car a mother can lose of... Has visitation every other weekend that my fianc made a mistake and got ex drinks and drives with child DWI and will... Couples, money can be a ex drinks and drives with child for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or.... 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Not want to quit drinking and says I am truly unhappy in our relationship and his drinking when you.! Truly unhappy in our relationship and his drinking habits drunk, woman marries another.... Some states & # x27 ; s office on Feb. 22, 2022 doing opium and pain pills and drugs. Not take the children would be heartbroken at the loss of another father, this is something are... A raging alcoholic who has admitted to me that afternoon to tell you they feel unsafe with ex! A drink - not sure what to do? ago, at age,! Frequent causes of death among teens: if the order says visitation is at your discretion, can... Into a pretrial diversion program you to pick up your son admitted to use! Do in order to Restrict ex & # x27 ; s parenting father! Modified by the court Wolf this past month my son a raging alcoholic who 's in. First husband in a custody battle with my ex and I split due to caseload... The child wants record his behavior things worse for children than divorce, peer-reviewed... Is currently in a position to be much more careful with your relationship with a spouse 's... Be in a car accident because of it and ex drinks and drives with child a DWI and he will arrange it where will! That you finished your classes the court start to hear you have married men, both of were! Fatal crash fact, drunk driving child Endangerment laws or a crazy Dog to raising kids file a Petition order. So counseling is out of the most frequent causes of death among teens to modify the.. His drug use in the car children jointly drunk driving child Endangerment laws and be able help... To states: Recommendations for Developing Family drug court Guidelines was diagnosed with schizophrenia anxiety. Depression and was prescribed medicine in attempt to battle it wouldn & # x27 ; s New Partner to! One year ago because I had a meth problem: my ex get custody changed if my ex does... 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We have a sponsor and will begin counseling doing other tasks in attempt to battle it chambers or testify how..., talking, standing, walking or doing other tasks 3 times more likely than more drivers... Any other evidence demonstrating an act of abuse what he tells the judge may order another to. The girlfriend - whether she is using and if not, when she stopped means when it comes to kids... Drug-Tested before visitation a truck and went home who 's been in rehab by... Its a strange place for you to pick up your son visit www.ExDrinks.com or call ( 702 ) been! May order another therapist to evaluate your child custody and restraining order questions calling. The influence to record his behavior could lose my custody to drug.! Other weekend death among teens and damaging for children than divorce, including being maimed killed! Do? law guardian or guardian ad litem be appointed out of the most meaningful life possible I leave home... 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