Whatever you do, leave the future children or the pregnancy out of the equation when it comes to your relation. But anyone who consents to sex and is then furious at their sex partner when a baby is the outcome is an idiot. And water. You may love and care for this man and attack the other women all day long, but at the end of the day, you do not have a relationship and nothing has changed. But this doesnt mean that hes not scum. I kept waiting for someone to say this. This is usually created by one person chasing harder or desiring the person more. Boy, for someone who cant live without you, he sure didnt wait to go out and sleep with someone else! She barely knows her new boyfriend, yet she's already pregnant with the guy's baby and is forced to plan a future with him. Its not that bad (though Ill take an IUDs 0.6%, thanks). Chuck Pelto Thats my advice. Theyre both opposed to abortion but theyre being safe, right? But biology runs the show and grown adults know the game going in. Leaving the issues of the suggested abortion and unprotected sex aside (which have also been beaten over the head on this thread), that was what really struck me as I was looking through these comments. Whos the daddy? He says he cant stand her? We all know that going in. She got pregnant. Ive done too many drugs and Id never write a letter like this XD. But if you are uninterested in a relationship with him because of his newfound drama then walk away sister. Would be nice if they could because there were many nights when I was pregnant where my husband could have had our babies lay on his bladder instead of mine. Aim for the face. It is duplicated below. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. You deserve that label for attacking a woman that you dont even know, for trying to blame her for sperm-jacking your loser boyfriend and for suggesting that she is trying to trap him. Translation: men should think before they poke but women can do whatever they damn well please. Well, maybe not your life, but your happiness and security do depend on it. You cant bear life without each other yet hes untrappable? Third, I weep for that child. This is a process and it's got a lot of risks. Now, I suppose, you could argue that my gay friends are more careful because death is probably a bigger inconvenience that a child you dont want and most likely wont really give a flying fuck about anyway But no, seriously Apparently many straight people are just too dumb to use a condom correctly. Id confirm that hes actually the father. Its a double standard. So, to be clear, every woman who has had an abortion is, in your mind, an immature asshole. My biological clock is so, so ticking!!!. . Dr. Sherry, My fianc cheated, we broke up but then got back together. Steve- The law doesnt say theres no child at conception. In the same situation currently. Women dont have to choose between the two both are within their purview. A Happy Life However, an absent father does not always result in an emotionally crippled child. April 10, 2012, 11:45 am. 1970 Mustang Mach I "Synergy Green Pearl"351 Cleveland - Fuel Injection "The Rattle Shaker" Complete nut and bolt rotisserie restoration LESS than 500 miles by C.A.R.S. April 10, 2012, 7:42 pm. Because guess what? im not disagreeing with you. This is why homosexual couples have to adopt. You are in a relationship where you are the one responsible for everything. But, the real reason you cant let go is because you feel bad that youve invested 4 years into this relationship hoping it would lead to something, and all you got is heartbreak, and him getting another woman pregnant. It's believed to be ineffective because for years people thought there were sperm cells in pre-cum, but that's a myth. Im not sure. Men should not rely on women for their own birth control unless the two people in question are in a committed relationship. are you creating multiple accounts to like your own comments? You are certainly not the first person in this situation, and its worked out well for others, so you relationship may not be *doomed*, but it will be certainly complicated. Its not fair to create a child and then abandon it. THERE IS NO CHILD AT CONCEPTION. Scan this QR code to download the app now. April 9, 2012, 9:39 pm. Woman are more easily able to get custody and so are more likely to get support. April 9, 2012, 1:00 pm. Even if shes annoying, shes more than a hole for him to stick it in, and it would bother me to know my BF had just used another human being as a glorified masturbatory aid. Im quite late to the discussion, but I took a lot of time reading over the comments, trying to make sense of the two sides of the argument at hand. LOL What? lets_be_honest But everything youve written here about the pregnancy and the well being of the child has made me look at things with fresh eyes. You said it better, but I jumped back in before seeing your replies. So, he feels it is best to make things work with her for the sake of his baby. You have a guy who knew someone for like two seconds and jumped into bed with them. They talk, hed says hed rather not have a kid and would like her to get an abortion. but he does not have the option to opt out entirely, which is something the pregnant woman can do. door to door service. And those young boys and those young boys parents have wages garnished for the next 18 years to pay for the rapists child. Not me. Are women less able to care and provide in todays society? If the baby mama wants to keep the baby, its her decision. BUT. Just as the guy needs to respect the ladys decision to keep it. Thank God for the real men. Go argue with the feminists. Quit acting like hes so hard done by by this woman and tell him to get some responsibility. So he and the LW should break up for good. And if by some chance she does get pregnant itll be difficult but theyre going to get married someday anyway so theyll just start their family earlier than planned. Youre only asking for heartache down the road. In the state I live in, you can leave a baby (or even child I think) in a church or hospital if you do not want the child and you will not get in any trouble for it. You two seems very good at twisting everyones words, and then getting mad at those people for it. A human being on this earth that is 50% like you. And for what its worth, I highly doubt he can bear to live without you. I mean, he didnt exactly waste any time getting some other chick pregnant, did he? Im sorry you feel you are in the minority. Yea, it does sound even more ridiculous today. Turns out it wasnt even his kid (thats another story), but she showed up at his work, called him repeatedly in the middle of the night, and physically assaulted his friends girlfriend in a parking lot. Why would you disregard opinions that are based on the data thats actually there, and then defend yours which is based on a guess you made about people you dont know? And if your original point was that gay men are smart enough to use condoms but that heterosexual couples seem too dumb to do so, that 1M number implies youre wrong. Hi. FYI first time posting but long time reader. . But condoms should still be used unless the relationship is established and monogamous and both parties are disease-free. Regardless of the law which I think is enforced far more often than not it seems wrong to me to argue that men have no control over whether a child is born but are legally bound to pay child support, whereas women can end the pregnancy or put the child up for adoption. April 10, 2012, 4:50 pm. The calculus is income dependent based on whos the higher earner. LW, what happens if YOU get pregnant? She should think long and hard about that reason and not take her former bf back. Im not exactly sure that the one million people currently estimated to be living in the U.S. would agree with you, but I am fairly certain the 500,000 dead definitely wouldnt. The entire point of my post(s) is that the paternity laws in this country (which is a central consideration of the letter and the story) are out of whack and unbalanced to the point of being unfairly punitive to men. Unfortunately, your boyfriend may have gotten another woman pregnant. The sex was good. Your bf cant stop her from having the baby. Having the right to do something OBVIOUSLY doesnt mean its always a good idea. Privacy Policy. iseeshiny The fact that only the woman has the abortion option is biology, not anyones opinion. Seriously, no wonder so many of are all too stupid to understand where babies come from. Go on about it all you want though. A woman who is raped is stuck with the agonizing choice of getting an abortion, or carrying a child to term. I dont see why this issue is any different. But thats a crime? I am sorry, but that is just dumb. That woman, Kaihla Rettinger, gave birth to the model-turned-Midtown South cop's son on Nov. 5, Radar reported three days after McLoughlin, 27, met Lambert, 35, while she was performing on . I totally understand. She says she thinks shed like to keep it. exactly hes allowed to not want to be a father, but be smarter about birth control. That way you and only YOU get to decide which woman you deign to procreate with. The entire letter reeked of entitlement. Though some women seem to believe that is the case. Are you kidding? Sure, lots of people take those chances. He hides me as well as the other girl. This is not true, and I say this because a (male) friend of mine went through this a few years ago. If he isnt willing to be there for his kid, wanted or not, then what happens when you get pregnant? As others have said, she could have been on the pill and he could have used a condom and she still could have gotten pregnant. And you know, its pretty reprehensible to be calling this other woman a slew of names. And the legal system that obligates him was in place when he put himself in this position. reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2008): A So this guy sleeps with the first gal that catches his attention, but he only has eyes for you? Picture Perfect Poster Girl: Taylour Paige Stars As "Boogie's" Leading Lady, UPDATE: Jesseca Dupart Denies That LisaRaye Found Out About Da Brat's Pregnancy Via Social Media, Your Weekly Helping Of Tidday Meats & Treats On The Gram, Cougar Chronicles! Inc. Lee's Summit MO. If its not easy, opt out of it. My ex-boyfriend had apparently broken up with a girl who was a.. You had no say in the matter.. wife pays debt sex video. I mean, for starters, if I even had one unplanned baby while on the pill, Id probably not continue to use it. Nope. And thats a double entendr. Therefore, move on. So, therefore, Im not so sure what you are finding so hard to get over about him, and why do you let him keep coming back into your life? April 9, 2012, 5:57 pm. Thats reality. We remained friends with Benefits for months because I wanted too and he said with or without sex, he doesn't want to lose this friendship but I wanted the sex lol I . It would have been way happier if its bottles didnt explode. Even if she was taking it appropriately (same time every day, no antibiotics interfering, etc), it still isnt 100% effective. April 10, 2012, 10:56 am, hes angry with the way this has worked out. Maybe she doesnt to be with your boyfriend, perhaps she just wants him to be there for the baby as a father. Unless youve been there, you dont know. Its that men should have as much of a say in whether they want to opt into support as do women. Im not saying its a trivial thing, but its nothing compared to birth. Why You MUST Let Him Come To You After A Break Up April 10, 2012, 12:00 am. I wouldnt. I dont care what ridiculous conversation anyone does or doesnt have before sex. However, I do find your mindset to be telling: And yet you still have sex with us The implication being that if a man has sex with a woman, they should be prepared to pay dearly for it for the rest of their lives. Like its a big shock that birth control can fail, that people can lie about using birth control, that women get to choose whether they want to keep their children and that he law requires men to financially support their children whether they want them or not. Hes a real winner. . April 12, 2012, 2:41 am. He didnt come chasing after you. When all of our comments are just reiterations of the same sentiment it can get boring. But now no one wants to deal with it. April 10, 2012, 9:40 pm. 1. But really, no one knows his true reaction. Not that hes upset about the situation but furious with this woman. I told him I wanted nothing to do with him anymore. Even if shes a lunatic psycho who got pregs on purpose, you have no one to blame but your boyfriend. guys..youre not gonna get anywhere with this one. hamster van beethoven She got pregnant. It happens, some people are incredibly fertile. Besides, he made that choice a long time ago when you broke up the first time. He sounds like a conceited, arrogant, narcissistic a-hole. Then the day we got back from this amazing vacation, he broke up with me through email! There are unfair aspects of the whole legal and biological reproductive system for both men AND women. Your FAMILY can be the most important thing in your life not just your children. doesnt she have friends to tell her just say no to neon macrome?), we judge who our friends date and marry, we judge everything, usually based on what we would do. submandave Men get to abandon freely and pay no child support if they dont want anything to do with the kid? All Im advocating is the addition of a requirement that the woman has made a good-faith effort to contact the father-to-be once she found out that she was pregnant and that he didnt opt out of support. Either_Coconut 3 mo. He doesnt have to have a relationship with her, but like it or not, if hes a real man, he will be there for HIS child, and even his ex. If its dude and hes a brain surgeon or something and shes a hot part-time bartender, his child support will be assessed at an amount that will put her in decent rent, a mercedes car payment and plenty left over for nice clothes and dining out, with an occasional weekend getaway thrown in the mix. 5 SIGNS YOUR EX IS IN ONE & WHY THEY FAIL - Natasha Adamo It happens, no matter what precautions are taken, unless you opt out of sex. Has your childs father left you during pregnancy then came back? We dont know that she asked for any money. By continuing to use this site, you agree to our updated Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. Maybe because she wants a tie to the LWs boyfriend. I know you have to keep the possibility in the back of your mind, but youve really been ready and willing for motherhood every time youve decided to sleep with someone? I dont know how Im going to feel about this baby malarky. Loved this guy, things were not working out, cos he was fucking around with other girls. I asked him why and never got a response back, ever. April 9, 2012, 5:17 pm. There is no inherent unfairness in current laws child support is gender-blind. Um hello, hes 40 years old, he knows how babies are made. Its always just a hope. It could fail. Come on! Both a man and a woman are needed to create a baby. I find it absurd that there is a debate about this guys right to have unprotected sex as if its ever a good idea. P.S. wendy, i love you for leaving the crazies to us! How on earth do you propose to make any of this even for everybody, including the child? He has been torn up by the pain he has caused me. lets_be_honest It is amazing to me to see the vitriol that men are carrying on with talking about paying money towards the health and well being of a child that they helped create. ! My Wife Had Fun With My Best Friend And Destroyed Our Son's Future Reminds me of that one post about a girl's ex boyfriend getting a girl pregnant, but it wasn't actually his, and he was infertile. Personally, I wouldnt. I love your snark this morning!! He found someone relatively fast and quick, and jumped in the bed with her. Abstinence is 100% effective, just saying. Until thats legally extended as you propose any man who doesnt exercise that option has no one to blame but himself when he becomes a parent. Which keeps me pretty busy, and Im married to my daughters mother. Well be together forever no matter what. is thrown around just to get in some dumb girls pants just as often as I wont get pregnant. is thrown around to trap ignorant dumbasses. You do know that birth control isnt 100% effective, right? So, this man had sex with a women while he was unattached and not under any commitment, and that makes him scum? At least, as a woman, you have that option. Hed be out the door on you as well. lets_be_honest Thats all well and good except it didnt happen and now theyre in this situation. Remember we are hearing all this second or third hand. Ok, lets say he has the right to have as much unprotected sex as he wants. SpaceySteph To be fair, (and Im not at all discrediting what youre saying, because it very well could be true), but no where in the letter does she mention that he did or did not use a condom. When we got back together we had a lot of trust issues and found it hard to forgive one another. Wheww. So, again, why are you crying and being depressed over him? I think I said that about my boyfriend was I was about 15. Anytime you have sex, theres a chance you could get pregnant, no matter how careful you are. Blowjobs are a practice in breath holding and gag reflex control, and my jaw ends up hurting pretty badly if I do it for long enough. April 9, 2012, 10:01 am. and he is furious with this woman for keeping the baby after only knowing each other two minutes. April 9, 2012, 10:04 pm. This dude intends to contribute to the childs life financially, but in no other ways, which seems vastly unfair to the child. Id at least like a comment from the LW, since, as much fun as this has been, I do agree that it seems not unlikely that the letter is contrived. My only real advice is along the lines with what the other posters have already said. He was there just as much as that woman was. But there is no ensuring that the child is cared for in an adoption. 22. . Parasites are all the same. Glad to see youve really listened to fellow commentators, reflection on their contributions carefully and made a meaningful contribution to the DW community. reader, Junebug2589+, writes (22 November 2008): A I get owning up to your responsibilities in an unwanted pregnancy, but you cant really think that is going through every non-idiot males mind when he gets ready to have sex. Why are you so obsessed with sex? He ordered her to get an abortion? I am amazed at people who think abortion is wrong for religious reasons, but have no concerns about coitus with people outside of matrimony with people they just met for two minutes. She still doesnt get it, but we tried. He cant force her to get an abortion, and she cant force him to be in the kids life. Actually, pulling out has a 4% failure rate versus 2% for condoms for perfect use. And the fact is, biology dictates that women have control once a pregnancy has occurred- not just the legal system. April 10, 2012, 7:01 pm. Adoptive parents are as capable as any others of deciding that having a child isnt right for them, that they werent as prepared for it as they thought, and that the child isnt really theirs, and theyre as likely to have other major negative events in their lives as anyone. Given that fact base, why wouldnt a woman who wanted a baby (but not a husband) entrap a suitable donor? But instead, she rushed into a new relationship with some new guy, got pregnant, and appeared completely irresponsible. Dr. Sherry. I could hypothesize all day and comment on all kinds of things that might be happening but theres enough crap in this letter that it hardly seems necessary to make any up. That way you and only YOU get to decide which woman you deign to procreate with. Im not a woman hater happily married for 15 years, and I love my mother, my sister and even my mother-in-law. She Left Me.PRANK WARS - BF VS GFWatch until. IF men want to engage in condomless sex and want a choice (which women DONt have btw, we dont TELL our bodies when we want our eggs fertilized and when we dont, I WISH we could that would be such an intelligent design feature!) Your ilk will perish from a lack of procreation. After 7 months I moved back, but upon moving back he made a confession to me. I would suggest that the man under discussion would not be sponge-worthy. Like if the guy is unconscious or doesnt know how babies are made? Sorry for the crass language. Sorry to be so long-winded but it happens sometimes. April 11, 2012, 8:04 am. I know you two were on a break but I hope you made him get swabbed for STDs. She may have been sweet and loving throughout the relationship, but when she stopped being her best self or caring about what you think, she became angry, vicious, or revengeful. And you want to marry this guy because.why? Its more than I can handle on a Monday! he delivers the baby from the nursery to your house. Im lucky that it has worked well for me and Im still childless, especially given the recent breakup and all. Definitely do a paternity test to be sure but if he follows through with not being a part of the childs life, hes a scumbag. That a woman has a right to choose if she carries a child to term or not should nor mean that she has a right to choose how a man spends his money for the next 18 years. lets_be_honest He still has to pay. Anyone would be angry in this situation. It belongs to the child and the law is concerned with ensuring the best interests of the child above all else. Why are you mopping and crying over a man who clearly doesnt want to be with you? She wants to abort Jimmys baby. But that doesnt change the fact that these people are eating each other alive. Thats what responsible men who want to have sex with women and dont want children do. And that, fair or not, men do not have the option to compel an abortion or opt out of their financial obligation for any resulting children. and our My above reenactment was not a true depiction of the dialogue I believe took place. I've always felt like I was put on this planet to be a mom, but when . Which, if youll recall, honey, was what we were discussing in the first place before you sidetracked us. If you were driving your car, and looked down at the time, and hit the child would you ask the parents of that child to not report you to the police, because its also there fault for letting there child run in to the street? At some point you have to recognize your own self-worth and value, otherwise you will keep allowing him and others to walk all over you. You may think your partner was a good person, but that something was missing in the relationship. If he didnt want a child he should have better protected himself. So the fact that none of your good friends have HIV (which is good to hear) doesnt necessarily mean that they are more capable of using a condom than the heterosexuals you know. In the end he is a great dad and we are expecting our second.. a Girl:) In a feature I call Your Turn, in which you, the readers, get to answer the question, Im presenting the following letter without commentary from me: I told him to stay with her and have this family as I dont want to be any cause for them breaking up, but he told me there was no way he was staying with her because he cant stand her. Way to break a young girl's heart. April 9, 2012, 5:19 pm, Its easy to think the guy is a scumbag for not wanting to be a dad. But in cases where a woman chooses to bear a child against the wishes of the father, the reciprocal obligation is less concrete. Any complications from the abortion would be hers to bear, not his. Where exactly do you live? That being said, the LW didnt say whether he was tested so we dont know for sure. The fact that the courts have found that men should be obligated to support mistakes is motivated by a desire to secure the welfare of the child. That was his choice, but what hes done is made you feel sorry for him. Sorry. And he put you in danger of contracting an STD because he failed to use a condom. am . iseeshiny Iwannatalktosampson Am I being selfish if I tell him not to go to the doctors appts and be in the labor room? pretty sure he is actually an extreme pro-lifer who is playing into his rhetoric backwards. His? Actually, pulling out has a 4% failure rate versus 2% for condoms for perfect use. And a grown adult man is well aware of this system when he chooses to have sex. Whatever happened to you to make you hate women doesnt have to mean a lifetime of whiny bitterness. Why is it that she gets to have his child and not you? from the letter: Ever look at the clock in your car to check the time while driving (or the radio to change channels, or a billboard)? His anger is unwarranted unless its directed at himself. Especially the children. My sister has 3 birth control babies. He has an obligation to use condoms until he is in a committed relationship to prevent unwanted pregnancy and to prevent HIMSELF from contracting an STD (and thus spreading it around). You dont really get a say in this matter. For sure, the guy can't worry about the other gent. Im currently going through a rough breakup with my partner of nearly 9 years, and if this happened to me two months from now I would be having angry, irrational emotions too. Believe it or not, but a bedpartner with a scintillating personality is not a prerequisite for the male orgasm: its possible to have and enjoy sex with somebody who you nevertheless regard as entirely obnoxious and devoid of LTR potential.

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