I will not let my mind be a bully to my body. And a funny bone., 10. Sincerely, yourself., 2. 60 Happy Friday Funny Memes Day of the Week - FunZumo 118. 7. 175. "After 30, a body has a mind of its own.". To make time fly, throw your watch out the window. Think about all the things you're struggling with in your life. Im not insulting you. 172. If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me. My imaginary friend thinks he has problems. They say dont try this at home so Im coming over to your house to try it. Top 75 Funny Daily Affirmations | Committed To Myself You may have people laugh at you instead of with you. 125. It has many of the same goals as affirmations, as theyre both associated with positivity and happiness. 219. 249. 1. Only two more days until Friday.". Frances McDormand, 42. 7. It is what we can make of the mess we have made of things.'. 140. I love myself, which is why I dont need to love the idea of other people loving me. 129. 26. Pardon me, I have 6 pounds of boneless mass to get rid of. My diet for today: 1% food, 99% Halloween candy. - Irish Saying. 85 Funny Wednesday Quotes, Sayings, Pics, and Images - The Random Vibez When, in fact, we must be optimistic and supportive of ourselves. Laughter also has a social aspect, as its the perfect way to bond with people. 134. The world is missing some pizzazz. "If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.". I have no time to worry; I have to be awesome. 39. 262. Cry a river. 268. Wilson Mizner What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant? Why couldnt the leopard play hide and seek? No matter what a mess I am, my kids adore me. When they go away, its a brighter day. I'm Sergios Rotar, a 21 years old personal development enthusiast. Im sure youve heard a lot about affirmations, what they do and why you should start using them daily. Dont give up on your dreams so soon, sleep longer. 25. I dont need anger management, you just need to stop making me angry. 39 Positive Affirmations And Inspiring Quotes About Life I believed in Santa Claus for 10 years. Albert Einstein Because if you can put a smile on your face with a little humor, I guarantee that youll feel some weight come off your shoulders.f. For the best seat in the house, youll have to move the dog. 91. I am joyful for achieving the ones I did. 251. Some when they enter, some when they leave. 78. Please excuse me while I go check the plumbing. They allow you to focus on the positive and what is working in your life rather than dwelling on the negative. Short Funny Affirmations. The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one. Oscar Wilde, 5. A gummy bear. Sometimes when I close my eyes, I cant see. Never test how deep the water is with both feet. I attacked the floor and I believe I am winning. Life does a pretty good job of keeping us stressed and worried, we dont need our internal dialogue to pile on too. I have Alzheimers bulimia, first I eat everything in sight and then I forget to puke. - Benjamin Franklin. 119 Positive Affirmations For Women To Use Daily - Live Bold and Bloom 19 Positive Affirmations That'll Change the Way You Think Benjamin Franklin. Youre just gonna feel embarrassed for a minute or two and then it will be over. I am grateful for the healing power of humor. I dont need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning. 12. 154 Short, Positive Affirmations that are Easy to Remember I am lazier after accomplishing the motive. 121. Dear universe, I am totally open to all the amazing things coming my way. Seeing a spider in my room isnt scary. 40. The early bird catches the worm, eats more and dies sooner. 1. A backbone. Chris Rock 223. My to-do list doesnt include dealing with negative people. I'm amusing and people enjoy talking to me. Get Love Tips Sent Straight To Your Inbox. I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot. 4. No, but April may. 116. 39 Funny Positive Affirmations [Feel Happier Instantly] Im not weird, Im just limited edition. Why did the can crusher quit his job? The best way for me to appreciate my job is to imagine myself without one. My to-do list doesnt include dealing with negative people. 23. Every day, read them aloud for the best results. As a result, youll stay consistent, and with affirmations, consistency is the name of the game. Why was six scared of seven? Dont let anything or anyone stop you from achieving what you truly aspire. 153. 15. Without further ado, let's look at 20 funny affirmations to build your self-esteem. Benjamin Franklin It can get you out of a tight corner and people who lack a sense of humor cannot do. 5. 190. I just wanted you to know that somebody cares. I may not know karate, but I know crazy and Im not afraid to use it. 225. 220. Ken Dodd 158. 139. 222. 244. 9. You can think about your affirmations at work, while driving, when you practice yoga, and when you spend time with your . 9. Frances McDormand No one can make me feel my jokes are bad. I love my computer because all my friends live inside it. "Age is of no importance unless you're a cheese.". I overcome fears by following my dreams. 300+ Short Positive Quotes to Brighten Your Day - PsyCat Games Read the first word again. 85. I dont like morning people, or mornings, or people. 71. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. 205 Hilariously Funny Quotes For Work To Make You Chuckle Hi! Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wifes mother. Today, I acknowledge the time I have spent over the week. Its alright if you dont agree with me, I cant force you to be right. I see food, and I eat it. Thank God Im an atheist. Effective pushing often involves poop. 181. 229. The thing is, Im still getting ready. Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die. 174. My mood swings keep life interesting. How do astronomers organize a party? 187. I did not trip and fall. But sometimes affirmations may not work. If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito. Betty Reese, 9. 8. I am adventurous. Erma Bombeck But even if this does happen, who cares? "My funny vibes attract my happy tribe.". Discover funny affirmations 's popular videos | TikTok You dont have to be crazy to be my friend, but it helps. Dont worry about those who talk behind your back, theyre behind you for a reason., See also: The Best List Of 130 People Talk Behind Your Back Quotes. Im not running away from hard work, Im too lazy to run. 231. You can stop driving me crazy, I can walk from here. Short Positive Daily Affirmations. 25. Still, you need to embrace each of these surprises with same positive conviction and appreciation. For the best seat in the house, youll have to move the dog. I didnt want to interrupt her. My past is just a bad book that deserves to be in the trash., 9. Sorry, I didnt pick up my phone, I got carried away dancing to the ringtone. I am lazier after accomplishing the motive. Unit #2007 Mahwah, NJ 07430, 50 Funny Affirmations for Confidence, Motivation, and Self-Love, 39 Movies about Friendship and Being with Great People, Relationship OCD: Symptoms, Causes, and How to Treat, 45 Best Hobbies for Couples to Share Together, 51 Passion Project Ideas & Examples List for 2023, 21 Best Films That Explore Mental Illness, 41 Words of Encouragement for Someone in Jail, The 5 Best Vitamins for Anxiety (Our 2023 Review), 101 Toxic People Quotes to Stay Away from Negativity, 57 Strong Mom Quotes About Being a Powerful Parent, 7 Steps to Deal with Emotionally Unavailable Parents, 35 Best Songs About What Its Like to Have Anxiety. Infographic: Why Do People Swipe Right (or Left) on Tinder. 70. 103. Bill Murray You were too lazy to read that number. At night, I cant fall asleep. Description for this block. "It's going to be hard, but hard does not mean impossible.". Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars. This is because, in order to be funny, there are certain details that need to be perfectly delivered. I believed in Santa Claus for 10 years. I dont need validation from others to know Im killing it. As long as I have friends as weird as me, I have everything. 22. Best friends eat your food. It will just flow naturally. A bargain is something you dont need at a price you cant resist. My windows arent dirty, my dog is painting. 72. Jackie Collins Sarcasm is a tool of highly intelligent people and if you're one of them (I bet you are), you're going to love these funny affirmations that are filled with humor and sarcasm.I'm sure you've heard a lot about affirmations, what they do and why you should start using them daily.They are a powerful to. - Marcus Tullius Cicero. Because so many kings and queens have been reigning there. 250. 225. We are going to be best friends forever, besides you already know too much. 132. Diet rule #1: If nobody sees you eating it, it doesnt contain any calories. Let us know which of these motivational affirmations inspired you the most. If you feel like todays not your day and the best thing would be to stay in bed, Ive got something that will cheer you up. You might enjoy: Affirmations: 13 Answers You Should Know. It may look like Im doing nothing, but in my head, Im quite busy. 200. If lying was a job some people would be billionaires. 110. Im in desperate need of a 6-month vacation, twice a year. 135. I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldnt complain. Breasts dont have eyes. 40 Short Positive Affirmations + Free Printable - Dare Your Lifestyle 60. 8. Effective pushing often involves poop. 183. Batwoman: single. Whenever I am sad I go to my favorite place, the fridge. Swimming trunks. Why did the school kids eat their homework? "You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.". I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle. Dont make me laugh, Im trying to be mad at you. 22. If Im not there, I go to work. Robert Orben, 4. Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. To thrive in life you need three bones. 100. 5. Begin your days with these powerful, funny affirmations for self-esteem. ~ Bill Gates. Sam Levenson 166. 2. Car Dealership: The best way to get back on your feet, miss a car payment. Enjoy! You definitely dont want to kill the vibe by throwing a bad joke out there! - Billie Burke. 279. We all have baggage, find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack. Just as importantly, you can benefit from laughter in everyday situations. 265. Send me the link. 271. Nothing, they just waved. I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case were having cake. Excuse me while I go on a ride on the porcelain steamer. Sometimes the M is silent. All you need is love. 60. Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once. Whenever I am sad I go to my favorite place, the fridge. Because he was always spotted. I just go normal from time to time. 100 Funny Christmas Quotes: Short Holiday Sayings - Parade I am not only pretty but also pretty awesome, pretty smart, and pretty kind. Even on my worst days, turning on some stand up immediately puts me in a better mood. 79. 174. 126. I hate Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, and half of Fridays. Common sense is like deodorant, those who need it the most never use it. Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow as well., 13. 226. And one of the fundamental truths in life is that they will make . You can write them down and use them whenever you're attending a social event or if you simply just want to make yourself laugh. You might use humor as a coping mechanism. I radiate calmness and tranquility, with a little side of body odor. Your habits become your values. I have no time to worry; I have to be awesome., 15. I'm doing great. 250. 21. All rights reserved. 26. Smiles are contagious, be a carrier. I dont need excuses, because I never mess things up. This is the mondayest Monday that ever mondayed. "When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.". Whether its at other people or at ourselves, its good to laugh in life. Because someone is always sitting on the deck. 1. Work smarter, not for owning iPhones, but for not fearing their breaks. 26. Which affirmation put a smile on your face? (John 14:27) 27. Chris Rock, 256. Because seven ate nine. 12. I said no to drugs, but they just wouldnt listen. It's why you may feel excinervous (aka excited and nervous at the same time). I can always be fatter. 249. 70+ Daily Affirmations That'll Rock Your World - Fun Cheap or Free They say dont try this at home so Im coming over to your house to try it. These affirmations are funny, humorous, witty and sarcastic for work, friends, family, mom, to boost your self-esteem, confidence and strength. Doing nothing is hard, you never know when youre done. Here's some short funny affirmations that will hopefully brighten up your day. 223. I like my thoughts how I like my whiskey, always glass half full., 11. If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldnt have a job if he was any smarter. John Gotti, 6. If we shouldnt eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge? Alison Boulter People who talk behind my back are getting a great view. Being funny seems to be taking less effort. 49. 119. 197. I am on a seafood diet. I know that I am intelligent, because I know that I know nothing. I know that I am stupid but when I look around me I feel a lot better. 1. No matter how bad it gets, Im always rich when I go to the dollar store. -Katrina Bowden. Never ask a starfish for directions. Finding humor in a difficult situation helps me win. I dont think thats a coincidence., 3. I breathe in and out. No matter what I look like. Quotes that make no sense Photo: pexels.com (modified by author) Source: UGC. Bill Gates. Hello little voice inside my head, please just shut up., 14. Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. 234. Doing nothing is hard, you never know when youre done. 142. I enjoy every minute of it. If I am willing to go back to bed when I wake up, I will go and make up the bed. Whatever I do, I will do it for fun, but with dedication and focus. You know you are lazy when you get excited about canceling your plans. What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? Exercise? These kinds of things just come with the territory if youre trying to live a meaningful life. Boost your ego and narcissism in as little as 5 minutes per day and set yourself up for success. 34. 195. 147. 2. Bill Murray 19. One thing you need to remember though; if you are going to be funny, then make sure youre actually funny. We all have those days when we feel like the world is coming to an end. Robert Bloch Wake up and smell the birdshit on your windshield., 10. You may hear crickets when you try to tell a joke. 4. Similar to how it's important to minimize distractions in the workplace, you need a few minutes of peace to focus and mindfully say your affirmations. The most important thing to remember when using positive affirmations is that it is all about how you feel. "A moment of patience in a moment of anger saves you a hundred moments of regret. Everyone wants to talk with me because I am very funny. Infographic: What is the Ultimate Commitment. It takes so little to change your life! 123. I am here not to compete because I know I am neither the fastest nor the smartest. 273. Funny Affirmations - Etsy 155. I dont worry about getting older. Whoever said great things come in small packages hasnt seen my big screen TV. 264. Things are getting better all the time. The only power you have is the word no. 52. 55. My body deserves love. What do computers eat for a snack? What do you call a bear with no teeth? I dont need a psychologist to dig into my personal life and ask me about all of my secrets, thats what my friends are for! Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Laughter can help you see the humor in otherwise grim situations. Theres no stopping me now. Because someone is always sitting on the deck. Why is England the wettest country? Cindy from Marzahn - Kyle Chandler. Even on my worst day, Ive still got 24 hours., 6. Life begins on Friday night. So life is not always "All The Way Up", I guess. Funny affirmations for self-esteem are one way you can boost your mood in just minutes! Its alright if you dont agree with me, I cant force you to be right. 210. 169. 194. Funny Affirmations. 191. 32. Positive mindset affirmations. I am constantly growing and improving. With great power comes an even greater electricity bill. 149. Its what it is supposed to be, dont overthink and let it go. Relax, its the weekend, just dont blink or it will be all over. You cant have everything, where would you put it? Yes, of course, I am athletic, I surf the Internet every day. Maybe there are no excuses to be lazy, but Im still going to keep looking. I choose to stop obsessing about my body. "May your yoga pants be stretchy, your coffee be strong and your Wednesday be short.". 198. 184. Whoever invented knock knock jokes should get a no bell prize. 108. You can also share them with your co-workers to put a smile on their faces. 219. Amidst all the stress, anxiety and worries, a smile can help you brighten your day. Using affirmations can significantly impact your outlook on life, but saying such serious statements to yourself can often make you feel silly. Wilson Mizner, 262. My son is now an entrepreneur. I am capable of rewriting my grievances and transforming my fears. 189. Because they make up everything. Friends buy you food. Youre basically a houseplant with complicated emotions., 11. As I become responsible, I have got more powers. The only relationship I have is with my Wifi. When and How to Let Them Know, How To Cheer Yourself Up When Feeling Down, 5 Things To Discuss With Your Partner Before Marriage, Funny Positive Affirmations For Self-Esteem, 50+ Powerful Positive Affirmations For Exams, 70+ Positive Affirmations For Teens From Parents. And, it doesnt have to be hard or complicated! Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. Pat Sajak Learn sign language, its very handy. Decomposing. 157. On Mercury, a day lasts 1,408 hours. I attacked the floor and I believe I am winning. Not everyone has to like me. Why was six scared of seven? My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it. Today Im going to reach for the stars so that I can air out my armpits., 8. Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. Im going to stand outside, so if anybody asks for me, Im outstanding. Then perhaps youd find value in these articles on. Inspiring Quotes About Life "Here, we like to keep you inspired by showing you beautiful words of wisdom based . Because seven ate nine. My imaginary friend thinks he has problems. Bill Murray. "Life is like an elevator - Sometimes it stops. Ill start this journey with my 10 favorite funny affirmations that never fail to make me laugh. 159. Whatever you must do todaydo it with the confidence of a 4-year-old in a Batman cape., 2. One thing you need to remember though; if you are going to be funny, then make sure youre actually funny. If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button. My funny vibes attract my funny tribe., 3. And their purpose certainly isn't to minimize hard feelings. It has nothing new to tell you. This is a good thing because affirmations are supposed to be associated with happiness and positive emotions. What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant? Unknown. As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools. Most of the articles that Ive written about affirmations are about more serious topics: Lets keep things a little lighter in this article shall we? Wake up and smell the birdshit on your windshield. 1. 60 Short & Funny Motivational Quotes to Laugh About - Wealthy Gorilla Its okay if people dont like me. I know that I am stupid but when I look around me I feel a lot better. Youre born free, then youre taxed to death. Youre talking to yourself. Relaxing the mind with some funny affirmations is an easy way to reduce stress and keep yourself grounded in moments of turmoil. Stop trying to make everyone happy. Im describing you. 276. I dont suffer from insanity. My legs are so sore from the gym that I almost couldnt walk to the donut shop. I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.

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